Survival Mode

 Is it okay to say I hate this??? I hate being a mom. I hate having my kids home with me 24/7. I hate the demands. I hate the whining. I hate no sleep. I hate it. Hate. Hate. Hate. I feel like I am stuck on a hamster wheel with no end in sight. I don’t sleep well at night because my one year old wants to nurse. All night. I awaken in the morning and he’s still there, right next to me. I slowly make my way out of my bedroom and encounter my ten year old who needs a little direction. And a hug. And a bagel. But I haven’t even started coffee. 

Meanwhile, my thirteen year old slowly ambles out of the room, bed head in full force and wants to describe to me, in full detail, a dream she had. Still, coffee is yet to perk. I tell my kids to get moving as I desperately locate the coffee from the pantry. In the ten seconds I have my back turned, my one year old has managed to scale the counters and is now standing on them, emptying the cookie tin that was left there, a little treat I had saved for later, maybe when the coffee was ready and he was napping. But no, the cookies are now crumbled, emptied all over the counter, adding yet another chore to my already full day. Feeling the urge to snap, I quickly grab my son off the counter, yell to my daughter to help me clean the mess and glance at the clock. 7:10. Fifty more minutes and the two older ones will be in “class” and by class I mean the room that doubles as my son’s bedroom and their classroom for distance learning. The distance is only about three feet from me, however and does not “distance” them from re-entering for a snack. Or a bathroom break. Or to tell me something funny their friend said. And still, no coffee. 

I take a breath. Read scripture with my big kids while trying to ignore the baby pulling my shirt down for milk (again!) and keep his screams (relatively) quiet so my husband, who works nights, can sleep as uninterrupted by our daily noise as possible. If I sound like a spoiled stay home mom, forgive me. I just want sleep. I want a cup of coffee in peace. I want the big kids to get along and go back to school. I want my life back. I want to work out without the baby demanding “up” fifty times. I want to shower alone, without having to bribe a big kid to watch the baby so he doesn’t play in the toilet while I wash my hair. Speaking of, I can’t remember when I last DID wash my hair. I want to get dressed in real clothes. Not sweats, not a hoodie and leggings. A real outfit. I want to do my hair and make up and go somewhere other than the grocery store. 

This season is HARD. Harder than any other season of life I’ve experienced. It’s draining. It’s depressing. It’s unfair. Most days I have to navigate between the lesser of two evils: talk to a friend on the phone for a few minutes for my mental health’s sake and chance that the baby draws all over the couch or forego those precious minutes of connection for a couch that remains marker free. Do I cuddle in bed with my hubby while he regails me with the stories of last night’s shift if it means that the big kids fight and the baby eats an eraser?? Tell me, what would you pick? These days, I’m just surviving. I’m sure you are too. It’s not easy. It’s anything but. I’ve fantasized about just driving away for a couple hours, hiring a nanny, leaving my sleep deprived husband with the load so I can jog or take a long bath. I’ve pictured forking over the money to put my big kids in private school just to get a break. But then, reality sets in. My grown-up self takes over and I calm the eff down. I remember that this, too, shall pass. It’s only a season. My baby will eventually stop eating everything in sight. He will sleep through the night eventually and I will wean him one of these days. The big kids will get bigger, need me less, stop asking for hugs. One day, I’m sure I WILL miss it. I just can’t see it right now. But I’m trying. I’m trying to be patient, yell less and pray more. I’m trying to be an example of a strong woman, the Proverbs 31 woman that I know I am called to be. I want to press the shirts, fold the laundry with joy, make the lunches happily. I want to relish the good and lose sight of the bad. And yet...

I hope you all are hanging in there while your kids “distance learn” in the living room. Or the kitchen table. I hope you still laugh, still find time for you and still find hope in what feels like such darkness. This too, will pass. The tide will change. Soon us young mamas will have wrinkles, those grey hairs will begin to show and we’ll long for a time when our babies needed us, when we cut the crusts off the sandwiches and wiped runny noses. We’ll miss the sound of those little chubby baby feet running down the hall. We will. I’m sure of it. 

Truffle Time!

Truffles are one of my all time favorite desserts to make (and eat!) and no, I don’t mean the gourmet truffles made with heavy whipping cream, liqueurs and other fancy ingredients like that. I’m talking about quick, easy, three or four ingredient truffles that can be made and adapted for any occasion! They are a breeze to make, freeze beautifully and make for an adorable gift! This year, I’m making these truffles as my Christmas gift to my family and neighbors. 

I decided to make two flavors: cookies and cream and peanut butter (plus a vegan version for my sister!) Here are the recipes for all three!

Cookies and cream:

1 package double stuff Oreos, crushed (any chocolate sandwich cookie will work!)

1 package cream cheese, softened 

1 package candy melts (you decide what color and flavor—I used white chocolate)

Sprinkles to decorate (Or use some cookie crumbs)

Mix cookies and cream cheese well. Roll into balls and refrigerate for at least twenty minutes. Melt the candies in the microwave at thirty second intervals until smooth. Dip the cookie balls and decorate quickly, before the candle melts set.

Peanut butter:

1 cup peanut butter 

4 cups powdered sugar

2 sticks butter, softened 

1 cup graham cracker crumbs 

1 package candy melts (again, you decide the color and flavor! I chose chocolate)

Vegan peanut butter:

1 stick plant butter, (I used Country Crock plant butter with avocado oil) melted

1/2 cup vegan graham cracker crumbs (I used pre-crushed boxed crumbs without and dairy or honey, thus making them vegan)

1/2 cup peanut butter 

2 cups powdered sugar 

1 bag dark chocolate chips

For both the vegan and non-vegan version, mix the peanut butter, powdered sugar, graham cracker crumbs and butter (or plant butter!) and mix until well combined. Refrigerate for at least twenty minutes (You can do overnight if you aren’t going to dip them right away..) then pull them out and dip into either the candy melts or dark chocolate, for the vegan version. Melt both the candy melts and the chocolate chips at 15-30 second intervals until totally smooth. Top the melts with sprinkles or as I did, a little of the graham cracker crumbs, quickly because the melts set very fast! You’ll have more time with real chocolate. The chocolate will need to sit out and set much longer or will set in the refrigerator after about twenty minutes. Enjoy!

Boxed Mix Cake!

 Recently, my husband was given a promotion at work and so of course I thought, what better way to celebrate than with a yummy dessert??? And so, his celebratory chocolate-coffee cake was born. I love sweets and desserts and so all I need is an excuse to make one! Here is what I did!

Ingredients:

1 boxed chocolate cake mix (I used Betty Crocker Devil’s Food)

1 cup plus 1/4 cup brewed coffee, cold

1/2 cup oil

2 eggs

1 cup whipped topping

1/2 cup sour cream

1 can chocolate frosting (I used Betty Crocker “chocolate” kind)

Cocoa powder, powdered sugar or other decor, as desired

Mix together cake mix, 1 cup coffee, 1/2 cup oil and the eggs. Bake in two round cake pans at 350 degrees for about twenty minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. While cake is baking, stir together the whipped topping and sour cream. I added a pinch of “Mexican cocoa” powder (a combination of cocoa, cinnamon and vanilla) to the mix and kept it refrigerated until I was ready to use it. Allow cakes to cool then poke holes over the top of both cakes and top with the reserved coffee. Next, assemble cake by using half the whipped topping filling to sandwich the cakes together (the other half will be used for garnish). Then ice with the chocolate icing, top with swirls of remaining whipped topping mixture and decorate as desired! Mine turned out beautifully, I’m sure yours will too!!!!

Early Potty Training

 I have made several videos regarding early potty training so check those out on Youtube. For now, you can read up on a few tips if you want to try it yourself! 

- First of all, be realistic and don’t set the bar too high. Early potty training, in my opinion, is potty training your child anywhere below the age of 18 months. After that, children tend to develop an aversion to potty training and that’s when the bribing, candy, sticker charts and, frankly, desperation kicks in! Before that age, you have a window of time where you can basically teach your baby the habit of going to the bathroom on the toilet, versus the diaper. But be careful not to be too hard on your child or yourself when (not if!) they have accidents. I have three children and started them all potty training around six months.

- Prepare for accidents. You will not be able to prevent all accidents but will be able to prevent most of them by taking baby to the toilet every 15-20 minutes or so. No, you won’t be stuck doing this forever so don’t panic. For the first few months, however, be ready to take them frequently. For the accidents that will happen, stock up on lots of baby blankets and comfy cotton shorts or pants so you can change baby quickly. Once you start potty training, you will eventually be able to pick up on cues your baby gives you before they have to go. Some cues are stopping in the middle of an activity and staying still, grabbing their crotch, or starting to grunt or make efforts to poop!

- Don’t go back to diapers once you commit. Don’t even buy pull-ups for “just at night” because pull-ups are just glorified diapers. The goal is to get baby totally potty trained, even at night. You’ll be surprised how quickly your baby will stay dry at night. For those middle of the night accidents, keep blankets and extra clothing nearby for quick changes and consider layering a thicker blanket or towel under baby.

That’s it! Get ready for a few months of work with a great reward at the end! You will save money that would have been spent on diapers, you won’t have to worry about diaper rash and ultimately, you will save yourself trouble later when baby develops that strong-willed aversion to going on the potty. Good luck!

Saving at the Supermarket

 Have you ever wondered how your grocery bill got so high? You innocently grabbed your list, your shopping bags, your purse and headed out the door with a budget in mind and then bam! You go waaay over at the checkout line! I’ve been there too many times to count. But what I realized over time, is that I wasn’t sticking to hard and fast rules and was allowing for too much margin. If my kiddos wanted a snack or treat, in the basket it would go. If I noticed something we loved to eat was on sale, in the basket it would go. Or, if I suddenly had inspiration for a meal idea, the ingredients would make their way into the basket, on sale or not. 

After spending WAY too much money for WAY too long, I finally decided something had to give. My hubby and I have dreams of a bigger house with a bigger yard and that ain’t gonna happen if Mama keeps flushing money down the drain. So we decided to talk budget. We sat down and realistically set a budget for all the main categories of spending...household (haircuts, dry cleaning, home repairs), fast food and groceries. We decided that for our family, $500 for groceries, $100 for fast food, and $300 for household per month would be sufficient.

It has worked! Check out your grocery store online coupons, digital ads and yes, even the old-school paper ad that comes in the mail is worth checking out! If you base your shopping solely on the ads and what’s on sale, you will always save! Get creative and figure out new ways to use affordable staples such as rice and potatoes, buy on sale and freeze for later and turn those leftovers into tasty lunches for the week or as additions to salads or soups. Check out my video for more info!

Grocery budget!

The Dog Days

Ahhh, the “Dog Days” of summer: kids up at 6 am, rarin’ to go, shorts and flip flops on rotation, popsicles at the ready...and mom about to lose her mind. Just the usual stuff— Except, it isn’t even summer yet! We’re still a month and a half away from it being officially summer but with this COVID-19 crisis, kids everywhere are home from school, and moms everywhere are losing their minds! What, exactly, were we supposed to do when most counties across the U.S. decided that the safest thing to do to avoid “the spread” was to shut down schools and turn happy stay-home moms into school teachers, lunch ladies, activities directors...etc, etc, etc.?? Go with it, that’s what. So instead of actually losing my mind, I’ve decided to embrace the suck, be positive and turn some sour lemons into sweet lemonade. How I cope:
- Pretend summer came early. The benefits are longer days, cool mornings and warm afternoons spent watching movies with the A/C blasting. My kinda thing. With snacks— plenty of snacks!
- Keep that A/C blowing and turn on the oven for some freshly baked treats from the “lunch lady,” —or keep the oven off altogether and make some Rice Krispie treats, homemade popsicles or yummy fruit salad. Those kids gotta eat!
- Take a nap. This one is important. My big kids have a fairly structured routine and are capable of handling Mommy taking a quick afternoon nap. “Sleep while baby sleeps” is the advice of the ages, and when my 10-month old takes a nap, Mommy does too! You don’t even have to sleep but you absolutely have to be in your room with the door closed, or the kids will find you. Paint your nails, take a bath, call a friend, but DO NOT let the kids know you are awake!
- Embrace take out. Ok, I am allllll for making a homemade breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for my family when I have the energy, but when I don’t (which is often) my family relies on a handful of local haunts to satisfy our cravings and to give me a break. Not only will you get a day off from cooking, but you will be supporting businesses that may otherwise not be able to keep their doors open. A few of our faves are Avianos or Marcellos pizza, the Greek Street Grill, and Johnny’s or In ‘n’ Out cheeseburgers. Not the healthiest but pair it with a salad or that yummy fruit salad you made earlier and you’re good to go. Oh, and running to the grocery store for after-dinner ice cream sundaes is a must!
- Have a quick car date with the hubs. We regularly sneak out for grocery shopping, errands or just a quick ride on our golf cart in our community to escape from the kiddos. It’s necessary.

Equally important are things NOT to do, no matter how fun or cute they sound. Trust me on this. Whatever you do...
- DON’T offer to play with your kids. Just don’t do it. It sets a precedent that you’ll have to maintain for the next 10 years. I mean, if you want to sit on the floor playing LEGO or Play Dough or what have you, then by all means go for it. But personally, I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than sit on the floor and be handed a Barbie while my child demands that I “BE HER!” —Just sayin’.
- DON’T Host homemade pizza night for the kids! Everyone make their own! Just...no. Little hands, sticky dough, RED SAUCE! NO. Should be a no brainer but moms everywhere (myself included, years ago..) love pizza night! I’ve learned through my own failed attempts that the only one who should be making pizza is mommy. While drinking wine. In theory. Because, I don’t drink wine. But if I let my kids make the pizza, I’d want to.
- DON’T Ignore little red flags. You know how, when your kid asks to do something and that tiny voice in the back of your head yells “NOOO!” But you think, “Calm down voice-in-the-back-of-my-head, this is harmless! I got this.”  Listen to the voice! Here are a few brilliant ideas my kids have had that I WISH I would have rejected immediately:
Homemade slime, homemade hand sanitizer, homemade pond, homemade swing, digging large holes in the dirt in the backyard, making me breakfast, making me a “surprise” (with paint), starting any kind of business (Oh, you think it will be a good idea because the kids will learn the value of earning money. No. It will end being your business. It will.)

See, the thing is, we think that if the kids are busy doing their own little project, it will give us a little peace and quiet. And it will. But then...the aftermath. It’s like a fun shopping spree on a credit card that at the time is super fun but then...the bill arrives in the mail and you have to pay the piper. The piper, in this case, is the dirty mess from the digging of holes, and YOU are the one who will have to do that laundry. Or the paint that “accidentally” gets on the carpet and the couch and guess who gets to clean it??? So whatever you do, listen to the tiny voice and stick to activities that are a) outside b) involve electronic devices or c) use simple craft items like crayons and coloring books.
Hang in there, mamas!

Elimination Communication AKA Early Potty Training

I made a few videos recently on the benefits of early potty training and decided I’d follow them up with a written blog for those of you who would like to be able to refer back to it. Potty training is a lot of work no matter how old the child, but I’ve found that when it’s done earlier, before your baby can talk back or run away from you, the better! It’s really a simple thing, using the potty, but training your child to do it can feel like anything but. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you want to try:
-First, make sure you can commit the time and energy to begin. Consistency is everything. Don’t bother starting if you can’t follow through.
-Expect to take baby to the bathroom every fifteen minutes to begin.
-Choose a sound to make every time you take baby so they can begin to make an association with the sound and go more quickly.
-Be prepared for extra laundry in the beginning! Babies will have accidents at first so be ready. Have lots of cotton pants and shorts handy and don’t bother with any clothing items with fussy buttons or zippers. Quick access is important!
-Enlist help if possible. 15 minutes go by very quickly and you will get tired of taking baby. Even now that my son goes every 30-45 minutes, I appreciate every time my husband volunteers to take him.
-Be confident! People may look at you weird in a public restroom, you may end up covered in pee at some point and your friends may think you are crazy but remember the goal!
There are so many benefits to potty training your baby early including saving money on diapers and preventing nasty diaper rashes. I honestly can’t think of a reason not to do it! Please let me know your thoughts and what worked for you!

What Failure Looks Like

This afternoon, as I got my seven month old down for a nap, I couldn’t help but think “Man, I’m failing today!” There are still dishes in the sink from lunch, I haven’t spent one on one time with my older kids who are home on Christmas break, my hunny and I left on not so great terms as he left for a work meeting (because I bit his head off out of exhaustion) and once again I’m feeling guilty for napping while baby naps, leaving the big kids to fend for themselves. I feel like I should be crafting with them or baking or...something but I’m just too tired. I feel like I should have done my makeup and hair this morning and chosen something other than leggings and a sweatshirt to wear...again. And I constantly worry that I’m not paying enough attention to my hubby, that the soup I gave him was too cold or that the lunch I packed him for work wasn’t good enough, and that it's been far too long since date night. Seriously, these are things that prey on my mind!
But then I had a thought. What if I change my definitions of failure and success? WHY do I feel like I’m failing? What standard am I using? So as I sat and nursed my son, I made a mental list of all the things I had accomplished in the day.
First, I read scripture. I always try to start my day off by reading my bible and I’m so glad I did! Next I took a shower then headed to the grocery early and got in and out before my kiddos even knew I was missing. Next I made a big pot of soup and got a few meals prepped for the week while I caught up with my hunny over coffee. Then I made the kiddos chicken sandwiches for lunch and watched some tv with them. While I did bite my hubby’s head off for not “validating my feelings” (poor guy..) I quickly sent him an apology text and he reminded me that he just wants to be my hero but is at a loss for words at times. All was forgiven. I kissed my kids a thousand times today, administered antibiotic to the sick ones, read with them, played Scattegories and showed interest in the myriad of projects they were into. I guess I didn’t do half bad.
I think it’s high time I start looking at the good and forget the idea of perfection—it’s just not happening. Kids are kids. Families are messy and life is always in flux. I may not always look or feel my best but God knows I’m trying. And God meets me right where I am...tired, cranky, empty and He fills me right back up! I want to be supermom and superwife and I think if I used a different measuring stick, like the one my husband and kids use, I would be hitting it out of the park. They think I’m pretty awesome so I think it’s time to believe it for myself!
Ever struggle with feelings of inadequacy???

Getting My Groove Back..Again!

Understandably, postpartum is not the sexiest time in a woman’s life. Case in point: As I sit here typing, I have my seven month old nursing on me while milk is dripping down my stomach, I haven’t showered yet and I was finally able to eat dinner...at 10:30 at night. I’m in a pair of tattered sweatpants, a breastmilk stained t-shirt and I am sporting a mom bun. There is just nothing sexy about this..unless of course, you ask my husband. For some reason, he’s still got it for me. He believes that pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum stage are all extremely beautiful. He loves seeing me nurse, take care of the baby and often looks after our little one so I can nap.
I, on the other hand, am having trouble being as good to myself. Now, after seven months, things have definitely improved but having a baby is hard, period. Maybe it’s because I have unrealistic expectations of myself or maybe because I bounced back quickly with my other kids that I can’t seem to let go of the idea that like a brand new rubber band, I’m just going to SNAP! back...physically, emotionally and mentally. As much as I look like myself on the outside, I don’t feel like I’m quite myself yet. My energy hasn’t returned and I’m still not sleeping through the night.
I think us new mamas need to be better and kinder to ourselves and try to see ourselves as others do. Here are a few things that are helping me stay sane:
- Nap when baby naps. I know, I know..it’s easier said than done because if you’re like me, you have a million things to do and it’s easier when baby is asleep. Or maybe you just want some quiet time to watch tv or read or shower in peace. I hear ya! But if you are not rested, you will be no good for anyone. Because babies sleep a lot, designate just one of their naps for your nap time as well. Maybe it’s when hubby is home so he can watch other kiddos or when the other kiddos are at school. I like to nap first thing in the morning after dropping the older ones at school. Just make it happen. You’d be surprised what good a power nap can do.
- Let baby cry. Again, I know this is easier said than done but if my son is fussing and I know he is just tired, I let him cry a for few minutes before soothing him. If I run to pick him up every time he cries, I’m teaching him bad habits and constantly have to stop in the middle of things to tend to him. So I finish loading the dishwasher, folding the clothes or taking my shower before coming to his rescue.
- Speaking of coming to the rescue, let people help you. I have a hard time with this because I like to do things my way but if you don’t let people help, you will burn out very quickly. Teach older kids how to do a few household chores and let your husband run the errands. If a neighbor offers to make you dinner or watch your kids, let them! You can’t do it alone.
- Take time for yourself. Read a book, take time to pray, talk to a friend on the phone, go for a quick walk or paint your nails. Taking care of yourself is so important and you will be better equipped to take care of others if you put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
- Learn to say no. You cannot possibly have the same life you had before baby, that’s just the way it is. Accept it and move on. Life is going to be messy for a while so you need to prioritize. Babies have so many needs and are so demanding that you will not have the energy you used to have so you may have to say no to things you were able to do in your past life. With the exception of a few visits here and there, I have basically been a recluse. One of these days I will be able to take on more but for now, I have to take it easy. So stop feeling guilty!
- Make time for other kiddos, letting them help you, nap with you or sit and read next to you while baby nurses. Just do your best to make sure they feel involved.
Good luck and hang in there! How do you manage your new baby?