This afternoon, as I got my seven month old down for a nap, I couldn’t help but think “Man, I’m failing today!” There are still dishes in the sink from lunch, I haven’t spent one on one time with my older kids who are home on Christmas break, my hunny and I left on not so great terms as he left for a work meeting (because I bit his head off out of exhaustion) and once again I’m feeling guilty for napping while baby naps, leaving the big kids to fend for themselves. I feel like I should be crafting with them or baking or...something but I’m just too tired. I feel like I should have done my makeup and hair this morning and chosen something other than leggings and a sweatshirt to wear...again. And I constantly worry that I’m not paying enough attention to my hubby, that the soup I gave him was too cold or that the lunch I packed him for work wasn’t good enough, and that it's been far too long since date night. Seriously, these are things that prey on my mind!
But then I had a thought. What if I change my definitions of failure and success? WHY do I feel like I’m failing? What standard am I using? So as I sat and nursed my son, I made a mental list of all the things I had accomplished in the day.
First, I read scripture. I always try to start my day off by reading my bible and I’m so glad I did! Next I took a shower then headed to the grocery early and got in and out before my kiddos even knew I was missing. Next I made a big pot of soup and got a few meals prepped for the week while I caught up with my hunny over coffee. Then I made the kiddos chicken sandwiches for lunch and watched some tv with them. While I did bite my hubby’s head off for not “validating my feelings” (poor guy..) I quickly sent him an apology text and he reminded me that he just wants to be my hero but is at a loss for words at times. All was forgiven. I kissed my kids a thousand times today, administered antibiotic to the sick ones, read with them, played Scattegories and showed interest in the myriad of projects they were into. I guess I didn’t do half bad.
I think it’s high time I start looking at the good and forget the idea of perfection—it’s just not happening. Kids are kids. Families are messy and life is always in flux. I may not always look or feel my best but God knows I’m trying. And God meets me right where I am...tired, cranky, empty and He fills me right back up! I want to be supermom and superwife and I think if I used a different measuring stick, like the one my husband and kids use, I would be hitting it out of the park. They think I’m pretty awesome so I think it’s time to believe it for myself!
Ever struggle with feelings of inadequacy???
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