Understandably, postpartum is not the sexiest time in a woman’s life. Case in point: As I sit here typing, I have my seven month old nursing on me while milk is dripping down my stomach, I haven’t showered yet and I was finally able to eat dinner...at 10:30 at night. I’m in a pair of tattered sweatpants, a breastmilk stained t-shirt and I am sporting a mom bun. There is just nothing sexy about this..unless of course, you ask my husband. For some reason, he’s still got it for me. He believes that pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum stage are all extremely beautiful. He loves seeing me nurse, take care of the baby and often looks after our little one so I can nap.
I, on the other hand, am having trouble being as good to myself. Now, after seven months, things have definitely improved but having a baby is hard, period. Maybe it’s because I have unrealistic expectations of myself or maybe because I bounced back quickly with my other kids that I can’t seem to let go of the idea that like a brand new rubber band, I’m just going to SNAP! back...physically, emotionally and mentally. As much as I look like myself on the outside, I don’t feel like I’m quite myself yet. My energy hasn’t returned and I’m still not sleeping through the night.
I think us new mamas need to be better and kinder to ourselves and try to see ourselves as others do. Here are a few things that are helping me stay sane:
- Nap when baby naps. I know, I know..it’s easier said than done because if you’re like me, you have a million things to do and it’s easier when baby is asleep. Or maybe you just want some quiet time to watch tv or read or shower in peace. I hear ya! But if you are not rested, you will be no good for anyone. Because babies sleep a lot, designate just one of their naps for your nap time as well. Maybe it’s when hubby is home so he can watch other kiddos or when the other kiddos are at school. I like to nap first thing in the morning after dropping the older ones at school. Just make it happen. You’d be surprised what good a power nap can do.
- Let baby cry. Again, I know this is easier said than done but if my son is fussing and I know he is just tired, I let him cry a for few minutes before soothing him. If I run to pick him up every time he cries, I’m teaching him bad habits and constantly have to stop in the middle of things to tend to him. So I finish loading the dishwasher, folding the clothes or taking my shower before coming to his rescue.
- Speaking of coming to the rescue, let people help you. I have a hard time with this because I like to do things my way but if you don’t let people help, you will burn out very quickly. Teach older kids how to do a few household chores and let your husband run the errands. If a neighbor offers to make you dinner or watch your kids, let them! You can’t do it alone.
- Take time for yourself. Read a book, take time to pray, talk to a friend on the phone, go for a quick walk or paint your nails. Taking care of yourself is so important and you will be better equipped to take care of others if you put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
- Learn to say no. You cannot possibly have the same life you had before baby, that’s just the way it is. Accept it and move on. Life is going to be messy for a while so you need to prioritize. Babies have so many needs and are so demanding that you will not have the energy you used to have so you may have to say no to things you were able to do in your past life. With the exception of a few visits here and there, I have basically been a recluse. One of these days I will be able to take on more but for now, I have to take it easy. So stop feeling guilty!
- Make time for other kiddos, letting them help you, nap with you or sit and read next to you while baby nurses. Just do your best to make sure they feel involved.
Good luck and hang in there! How do you manage your new baby?
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