Dressing Room Drama

Have you ever attempted to clothes shop with your kiddos?? I'm here to tell you that no matter their age, it is usually easier to just go alone. Why don't I do that, you ask? Well. I have several reasons:
A) My children are home all day during the summer so there's really no ditching them.
B) My hubby has crazy work hours and is usually attempting to sleep during the day so it would be really cruel to leave them whilst I shop in peace.
C) They need things too and unless I wanna go back and forth to return ill-fitting items, they must come along.
Yesterday I had an itch to go to Old Navy. We have a beach trip planned next week and we are all in need of shorts, flip-flops...etc. I wanted to go because I've never been to the one near my new house, kids were bouncing off the walls and Daddy just got paid! So off we went! It was an interesting trip..
For starters, the boys suddenly developed an interest in fashion on the way over and were choosing outfits in one dark color. Black shorts with a black shirt, grey shorts with a grey shirt, navy shorts with a navy shirt...you get the idea. Would it kill them to wear a pair of khaki shorts with a fun graphic tee??? I gave them a few simple requirements. First, they had to agree on something to match (Because that's so cute. Duh.) And it couldn't be in funeral colors. So after what felt like a million hours, we fiiiinally settled on a white polo with navy shorts. Apparently, they were attempting to look "golf pro chic". My children are weird.
My daughter is at a funky age where she's a little too old for the children's section but too young for the ladies so we were on the verge of discouragement when she found a rack of adorable, a-line, stretchy dresses with plenty of fun patterns to choose from. Success!
I was miraculously able to sneak into the dressing room with my daughter while the boys searched for yet another monochromatic ensemble and chose a pair of light skinny jeans, a cardigan and a pair of tailored grey shorts (the thing I went for in the beginning.)
Overall, the shopping trip was a win although it took four times as long as I planned but still...I came out ahead. If you are a mama like me who, unless there is a vacation, wedding or special occasion in the near future that requires new duds, avoids clothes shopping at all costs, let me tell you, it was actually fun. I have been in need of refreshing my wardrobe for quite some time. Proof of this is that the other morning when I decided to shower and dress before my hubby came home from work so that, you know, he sees his wife in something other than pajamas for once, my kids asked "Mommy, why are you so dressed up??" Sad. So it was time. Just because I stay home with kids all day, there's no reason I can't feel good doing it! I hope you take it from me and once in a while, buy yourself a little something. Old Navy has great prices. I spent $129 on three dresses for my daughter, an outfit for each of my boys and a pair of jeans, shorts, and a cardigan for myself. Not bad!

          My daughter...having fun making faces in the mirror. The boys were outside running amok!
              

As Good As It's Gonna Get

Have you ever looked in the mirror and just thought "I give up." Makeup? No. Hair? No. Shaving my legs? Definitely not. I do. I think this all the time. Being a stay-home mom with three kids home allllll day during the summer, things get a little....desperate. I think this when I look in my pantry and realize I need to go to the grocery store but I'm (still) in my pajamas. I think it when my kids say "I'm bored" five minutes after awakening in the morning and I think it when my eyeballs are hurting from lack of sleep but someone is hungry. Or tired. Or cranky. I think it when I haven't had coffee and people are asking me questions. I think it when my daughter starts whining. I think it when hubby is trying to nap before work and I just wanna talk. I've realized that there are many times throughout the day that I'm just surviving. And I don't even have toddlers anymore! My youngest is seven! So...what exactly is going on here?? Let me explain. If you are a stay-home momma, here are things that may ring true for you:
- Because you don't have to get dressed for work, your wardrobe will eventually crossover from daytime to nighttime. And I don't mean you can throw a cute cardi over your lbd to go from the office to the nightclub. I mean that my pajamas also function as regular clothes. So do my husband's t-shirts. And until recently, the only requirement I had for myself was that I'd wear a bra when in public. I popped my cherry at Stater Bros. recently though and haven't looked back. Bras are for sissies.
- You will be cooking or cleaning or both at any given point in the day. Unless you have a personal chef or a maid, there will always be a load of laundry that needs washing, dishes will be in the sink, crumbs will be on the counter and little mouths will chant "I'm hungry" at any given time regardless when the last meal was served. I am far from a perfectionist but after each meal, I wash dishes, wipe down the counters and vaccuum and sweep the floors. This takes up sooo much time because I'm doing it at least three times a day! Unless I cry "mercy" and hubby takes us out to eat, or I drive through Miguel's Jr. AGAIN, I don't see a break in the near future.
- You will always feel like someone is left out. Always. You're home, right? And the kids are there so everyone should feel like they are getting attention. Except that they are not. Remember all that cleaning we just talked about?? Well in between tasks, my daughter regularly requests that I sit on her bed and chat, my sons ask me to play Lego or look at Pokemon cards or they need a snack. Again. And then there's hubby. Let's not forget his needs. He gets hungry too, needs affection and sometimes, I just want to sit with him and drink coffee or read scripture together without interruption. This rarely happens. So you will feel pulled in a million directions and just never feel like you are doing enough.
- You will be last. Your hygiene will be last, your needs will be last, you will be the last one to eat, to shower, to sit down, to relax. The other night I had bad stomach cramps and realized I had waited hours to pee. I just didn't make the time! Ridiculous! The antidote to this, of course, is to simply "carve out time for yourselves" like all the experts recommend. And it is possible. My kids are at an age where they can read, rest, go on their "devices" and leave me alone for an hour. I just feel guilty asking for that hour. But I know I need to and you do too. Taking a shower, shaving your legs, washing your hair, going pee...these should not be luxuries. These are necessities and we wouldn't expect anyone else to go without these basics so we shouldn't accept it for ourselves either. My husband doesn't feel a shred of guilt when sitting down with a book, sipping coffee quietly in the corner while checking his e-mail or napping when necessary. I don't know why I do. I'm learning slowly. Kids need to see you put you first. Repeat after me...they will be fine. I promise!
- Your kids will eat more junk and watch more tv than you ever expected. Your standard will go down. It just will. When my daughter was born, I made all her baby food, visited farm stands for fresh fruits and veggies, and made all our meals from scratch. Then I had another. Then I got a full-time job. And a divorce. And a new marriage. And more kids. And then...I took it easy. I make as many things homemade as possible, eat fast food as infrequently as possible and attempt to create well balanced meals whenever possible. BUT. Chick-Fil-A is my friend. So is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Trader Jo's frozen pizza, my Crock-Pot and my kid's Ipads. Look. As long as we're all doing our best, loving each other and most importantly, living a life to magnify the Lord, then we're doing okay. I am SO over the whole mommy competition thing. Ain't nobody got time for that. So take is easy, mommas and take a nap. Or get a pedicure or go ahead and make that dinner from scratch, if that's your thing. If not, take the help where you can get it!
There you have it. And there I am below, in all my glory, offering my daughter a marshmallow because it says right there on the package, "Great for snacking!"

Step Mommin'

I am a step mom to two boys, one is 11 and the other is 24. It's a hard job but I've learned along the way that's it's also very rewarding, humbling, fulfilling and has allowed me to grow and mature in ways that I haven't with my biological children.
With bio kids, it's so easy to turn on autopilot and get through the squabbles of adolescence. It's easy when you've known your kids since birth and have learned their strengths, weaknesses, quirks, likes, dislikes..etc. but throw a couple new kids on the block, and it gets messy fast! For now, I'll focus on my 11 year old because my other son is an adult and obviously that relationship is very different. I learned the hard way that my attempt to go "hard in the paint" and jump in with both feet into a shallow pond was NOT the way to go. Not even close!
For the last three years, I've been getting to know this sweet boy and hoping, praying, wishing he would consider his step brother and sister and me his family. Until recently, he just...didn't. He lives with his mom full time and only sees us during the summer so obviously, my expectations were a bit high.
What I have found, is that with honesty, openness and a willing heart, we have moved mountains. No, he doesn't want to call me mom. Yes, it took time for him to "accept" my children as his siblings and it took him even longer to release his Kung Fu grip on his dad, my husband, and my children's second father. Because my husband has been so completely involved with my kids, there is no distinction in our family between "step" and "real". We just don't go there. We love each other differently but equally and at the end of the day, we are one.
Here are some things I've learned along the way and if you are in a step family situation, I hope this helps you feel a litttttllle less alone:
- Try not to have expectations. Your stepchildren may love you, hate you, blame you, be indifferent towards you...they may even go through all those feelings in one day. The emotions run the gamut and you gotta be ready for anything!
- Treat them all the same, no matter what! I know it may sound impossible and it will be if you are not totally invested and engaged with this process. Your tendency may be to run to your bio kid's defense whenever tensions rise but you gotta stop in your tracks and assess the situation objectively. ALL my kids can be a-holes so I really, really try to be fair.
- Dole out affection equally. Kiss one, then you may as well kiss them all. I know this seems crazy, but kids notice! They notice where they sit at the table, who gets the front seat of the car, who got more blueberries in their cereal...etc.etc.etc. Just make sure it's fair. So hug it out, and make sure there's a hug for everyone.
- Carve out individual time based on a child's needs. My kids all have different love languages. My daughter, our only girl, LOVES quality time with me. If she had it her way, I'd just sit on her bed all day, keeping her company. My youngest son too. He likes when I play with him or watch TV with him. He also loves words of affirmation and encouragement. My older boy loves affection. He's the first one to snuggle with me in the morning, touch my hair, my face, and wants tickles and scratches. So. I'm very mindful of who got what when. Thankfully, I'm a stay home mom so I have plenty of time to give attention but it can be pretty relentless. All these kids with different needs plus the demands of the home and let's not forget my hubby! If I'm not careful, I will burn out quickly. Which brings me to my next point...
- Take time for yourself! Removing myself from the equation for an hour or two a day accomplishes several things. First, I get to take a nap, a shower, read a book, have a cup of "coffee" with my man...etc. It allows me to recharge. Also, my kids get to learn independence and to keep themselves occupied with a book, project, Lego...etc. Lastly, and more importantly, time without me playing referee allows my children to play and enjoy each other without competing for my attention and they are able to bond without me hovering.
- Never, never, never, NEVER badmouth their Mom, ever! I know at some point you will really feel like blurting things out, defending yourself, sighing, rolling your eyes or being sarcastic but DON'T!!!!!! It will only make you look like a jerk and then feel like one too and the kids notice no matter how subtle you think you are being. We are grown ups and we need to behave like grown ups and I'm responsible for honoring the Lord no matter how frustrating it may be. Now, venting to your husband or a girlfriend is a big must. Just don't unload on the children. It's not their fault.
- Pray, pray and pray some more. Pray for wisdom. Pray for patience. Pray for the kids, for your spouse, for the ex's involved. No one is more powerful than the Lord and HE is capable of giving you all you need no matter how depleted, angry, hurt or lonely you feel. The only thing worse than a divorce is a second divorce and I don't want that. I'm committed for life and I know I can't do this alone!
I hope this helps you navigate the waters of a divorce with kids. It's not easy, not by a long shot, but there are moments that are so priceless, it makes all of the stress worthwhile. My kids trust me, love me, confide in me, count on me and NONE of this would be possible without putting in the work. Good luck!


                                      

                                                         ONE SWEET BLEND!!

Divorce Trouble

Hello readers! Today my talented boy whom I've nicknamed E, is going to share a bit on his perspective being from a divorced home. It's so great when kids can be open, honest and find an outlet. For E, I've encouraged him to write, to always be honest about his feelings and to remember that there's nothing he can say that will surprise me. I want him to feel safe and loved. Here are his two cents! 

Hi. My name is E. Readers, if you are divorced and have children, you might want to show this to them. Before I get started, let me tell you little about myself. My favorite song is Smooth Criminal, by Michael Jackson. I am 10 years old and can be modest.

OK, now to business, my parents got divorced when I was 3 years old and my dad married the blogger that gave me the introduction, Emily. My mom is single and there are a lot of challenges you have to go through when your parents are divorced. Sometimes I feel torn when my mom and dad disagree or get into a fight because then I don't know who to believe, whose side I should be on, or more challenging, who to love most. 

For me, love and family are very important, and sometimes I am under the impression, when my dad asks me if I want to spend Christmas with him, it is similar to the question if I want to live with him. Of course I do, but I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, but if I say that I want to live with my mom, I am afraid of hurting my dad's feelings. And now to more stuff. My oldest brother, my favorite, got mad at my dad because my dad wanted my little brother to be in his wedding but my older brother only wanted me. My dad said that he would not let me go to the wedding and that he wouldn't go. The "He" is my dad. And that we are one family. All in or all out. No compromising. My brother was very hurt and I can't see him right now.  My dad says that my brother is not respecting him and that he is not walking with the Lord. I might be having a good time around here, but now I feel hurt. There are so many things I have to go through that I don't like. Sometimes it is good to be me because a lot of family members respect and love me, and sometimes it is tough and not everything turns out great in the family. When there is a family conflict, I am affected because I just want my family to get along. But there is one after another. That is my life. I have to go through this a lot. There are good things that happen to me, like when I go to church, because I've already made friends. But I do have to go through those things that I have written. That is all for now. Thank you for reading. Until I return...Bye!

My Recovering Beautiful Article!

I'm honored my article was chosen to give hope to those struggling with addiction...

Emily’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

AuthorJugglingTheJenkinsPosted onJune 29, 2018CategoriesRecovering Beautifully - Your Stories of Hope.Tagsalcoholism, hope, recovering beautifully, recovery, wine

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Previous post:“Last Tuesday” – By Aubrie M. (Recovering Beautifully)

Four years ago, I was a stay-home mom to two beautiful children. Despite being in an unfulfilling marriage and feeling like a desperate housewife, my children gave me purpose.

Over time, the demands of motherhood and beginning a new career to get out of the home and find myself again, proved too much, too overwhelming. Riddled with anxiety and battling feelings of guilt, not measuring up and always on the brink of sinking, I sought comfort in an old friend, wine.

It started after work, while I was cooking. Uncorking the bottle always gave me relief and though I would finish the bottle quickly and the rest of the night would be a blur, it did the job of numbing the pain of an empty, lonely marriage and dulled the feelings of anxiety.

Soon enough, I was drinking earlier and earlier in the day, just waiting for the morning kiddo drop off so I could get home and drink, then sober up enough to pick them up from school. Then I’d do it all over again that night and the next day, day after day after day.

Eventually, the drinking became my sole focus. It’s all I wanted to do and one night after a day long drinking binge, I decided to drive to the store.

You can guess what happened next.

I was pulled over, slapped in a pair of handcuffs and arrested for a DUI. I had to pay thousands of dollars in court costs, was placed on a three year probation and served a week of house arrest.

As if that weren’t enough to scare me straight, I kept right on drinking. Eventually, my marriage fell apart and I filed for divorce from my husband of thirteen years and found an apartment. Now I didn’t have any accountability and no one to stop me from drinking. Luckily, I began dating a God- fearing man who, despite my shenanigans, loved me for me, the sober me, the REAL me.

He saw to my heart. I knew I needed to stop drinking but didn’t want to yet, and I hadn’t reached my bottom.

I was drinking at every opportunity and looking back, can’t understand why God spared my life and my kid’s lives so many times. No occasion was immune to my drinking and no event too sacred to b.y.o.b.

I drank while driving, while supervising my children at the pool, at their soccer games, in parking lots, before church, before work…any time. My boyfriend became used to me being drunk most nights and passing out shortly after dinner. He had grown close to my children and loved them like his own so though he wanted to leave me and my drinking behind, he couldn’t leave them.

After one too many fights, I flew into a rage and he almost left for good. I lied through my teeth, straight to his face that I hadn’t drank, but he knew better. Who was I kidding?? The bottom for me was seeing how much destruction I had caused. I had destroyed one marriage already, the trust of most of my family, and now I was ready to lose the one person who had held on for so long.

I couldn’t do that to my kids again.

I couldn’t fathom losing this man, and myself in the process. I was one blackout, one DUI, one risky decision away from killing myself or someone else. I was tired of checking for damage on my car the morning after, and googling “hit and runs” in my area just to make sure I wasn’t a wanted criminal.

I was tired of numbing my feelings and not facing my past. I had seen the look of fear in my little girl’s blue eyes and the words “Mommy, you’re scaring me. You’re acting weird” haunt me to this day.

I knew I had to change. I had the will, and I knew God would get me there if I only surrendered. I began to attend local support meetings and found camaraderie in others who were struggling. I got real. I made apologies, mended relationships and cried out to the Lord in earnest for the first time ever.

The Lord saved me. Let me say that again. He. Saved. Me. There’s no other way to explain it. No other way to explain a marriage proposal from the man of my dreams, having custody of my kids today, my parental rights totally unscathed, a beautiful home, right back to being a stay home mom, full of happiness.

My life has come full circle and this time around, I have an unspeakable joy that only comes from my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I am a NEW person today. I beat the odds. I got a second chance on this life here on earth. I get to see clearly every day. I don’t have to look over my shoulder and I’m not hungover or too tired from the night before to enjoy the right here, right now.

My kids make me laugh and my husband spoils me for reasons I’ll never understand. I have everything I need. Recovery is a bear. It is painful. I still have cravings and some nights I just want to escape. But. It will never be worth it for me. I have almost one year sober, next month. The other day, my now ten year old daughter said, “Hey mommy, know what next month is? July 12th?” My heart started beating fast. She knew. She remembered and she saw me all along.

If nothing else, I owe it to my family and to the Lord to prove to others that it’s possible. My second chance has come and I’m taking it. I’m not waiting to see if there’s a third. Life is sweet. Hang in there and grit your teeth if you’re going through recovery. It WILL be hard and you will doubt yourself but you will NEVER regret it.

Summa Summa Summa Tiiiiime

Summer is here, folks and you know what that means. Well, if you're a mom it may mean something different to you than to the rest of the world. For me, as a stay-home mom, it means:
- Awakening at 6 am to the words "I've finished everything I need to. I'm bored. Can I go on a device??"
- Sacrificing "me" time that I normally take for granted while the kids are in school and replacing it with "them" time.
- Making and cleaning up after 3 meals plus snacks every day.
- Planning activities that will get us out of the house, beat boredom, keep us cool and not spend a ton of money...no problem, right???
- Kids stay up later because "It's summer, Mommy! The sun is still shining! We don't have to be anywhere in the morning except at your bedside before you've had your coffee like the children of the corn!" so the time on the couch with my hubby after their bedtime is virtually non-existent.
- Kids are too hot. Kids are too cold. They are bored. They are hungry. They are hungry again. They don't want to be inside. They don't want to play outside. They are getting on each other's nerves or someone is feeling left out.
- I spend too much money to keep the kids occupied and keep my sanity and I feel guilty. I take them to the mall because it's air conditioned and we can just browse but then end up spending money on snacks, lunch, toys and stuff from bath and body works because I deserve it for being home all day.
- My husband declares "road trip!" and proceeds to drive while listening to his favorite tunes while mama turns into an octopus to tend to the various needs of the kiddos in the backseat. Relaxing? I think not but the impromptu stops to look at seals, peacocks and the mountains of Big Sur are priceless. And did I mention truck stop diners?? Nothing gets this mama more pumped than a homemade breakfast along the way!
- Shaving and spray tanning. And spray tanning and shaving. My legs that normally don't see the light of day are too scary to witness without a little help. So begins the ritual..
- Legos are everywhere!
- Birthdays! For us, with three summer birthdays, it means celebration times three!
- Spending a million dollars on back to school clothes, backpacks, shoes, and school supplies.
- Crock Pot dinners because ain't nobody wanna turn on the oven in the heat of the day, am I right?
- VBS! Moms everywhere hail the blessed staff and churches that sacrifice their time, energy and resources to put on vacation bible school for our little monsters. It's free, the kids get tired out, they learn about Jesus AND my husband and I can sneak away for coffee....or....I'll leave it at coffee ;)
- Memories are created. Grooves are gotten into and finally at the end of summer, we all dread back to school time because we are just having too much fun!

And there you have it, folks: the good, the bad and the ugly of summer. I hope you're enjoying your kiddos, managing the lack of sleep and finding ways to stay sane! What does summer mean to you?