Divorce Trouble

Hello readers! Today my talented boy whom I've nicknamed E, is going to share a bit on his perspective being from a divorced home. It's so great when kids can be open, honest and find an outlet. For E, I've encouraged him to write, to always be honest about his feelings and to remember that there's nothing he can say that will surprise me. I want him to feel safe and loved. Here are his two cents! 

Hi. My name is E. Readers, if you are divorced and have children, you might want to show this to them. Before I get started, let me tell you little about myself. My favorite song is Smooth Criminal, by Michael Jackson. I am 10 years old and can be modest.

OK, now to business, my parents got divorced when I was 3 years old and my dad married the blogger that gave me the introduction, Emily. My mom is single and there are a lot of challenges you have to go through when your parents are divorced. Sometimes I feel torn when my mom and dad disagree or get into a fight because then I don't know who to believe, whose side I should be on, or more challenging, who to love most. 

For me, love and family are very important, and sometimes I am under the impression, when my dad asks me if I want to spend Christmas with him, it is similar to the question if I want to live with him. Of course I do, but I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, but if I say that I want to live with my mom, I am afraid of hurting my dad's feelings. And now to more stuff. My oldest brother, my favorite, got mad at my dad because my dad wanted my little brother to be in his wedding but my older brother only wanted me. My dad said that he would not let me go to the wedding and that he wouldn't go. The "He" is my dad. And that we are one family. All in or all out. No compromising. My brother was very hurt and I can't see him right now.  My dad says that my brother is not respecting him and that he is not walking with the Lord. I might be having a good time around here, but now I feel hurt. There are so many things I have to go through that I don't like. Sometimes it is good to be me because a lot of family members respect and love me, and sometimes it is tough and not everything turns out great in the family. When there is a family conflict, I am affected because I just want my family to get along. But there is one after another. That is my life. I have to go through this a lot. There are good things that happen to me, like when I go to church, because I've already made friends. But I do have to go through those things that I have written. That is all for now. Thank you for reading. Until I return...Bye!

My Recovering Beautiful Article!

I'm honored my article was chosen to give hope to those struggling with addiction...

Emily’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

AuthorJugglingTheJenkinsPosted onJune 29, 2018CategoriesRecovering Beautifully - Your Stories of Hope.Tagsalcoholism, hope, recovering beautifully, recovery, wine

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Previous post:“Last Tuesday” – By Aubrie M. (Recovering Beautifully)

Four years ago, I was a stay-home mom to two beautiful children. Despite being in an unfulfilling marriage and feeling like a desperate housewife, my children gave me purpose.

Over time, the demands of motherhood and beginning a new career to get out of the home and find myself again, proved too much, too overwhelming. Riddled with anxiety and battling feelings of guilt, not measuring up and always on the brink of sinking, I sought comfort in an old friend, wine.

It started after work, while I was cooking. Uncorking the bottle always gave me relief and though I would finish the bottle quickly and the rest of the night would be a blur, it did the job of numbing the pain of an empty, lonely marriage and dulled the feelings of anxiety.

Soon enough, I was drinking earlier and earlier in the day, just waiting for the morning kiddo drop off so I could get home and drink, then sober up enough to pick them up from school. Then I’d do it all over again that night and the next day, day after day after day.

Eventually, the drinking became my sole focus. It’s all I wanted to do and one night after a day long drinking binge, I decided to drive to the store.

You can guess what happened next.

I was pulled over, slapped in a pair of handcuffs and arrested for a DUI. I had to pay thousands of dollars in court costs, was placed on a three year probation and served a week of house arrest.

As if that weren’t enough to scare me straight, I kept right on drinking. Eventually, my marriage fell apart and I filed for divorce from my husband of thirteen years and found an apartment. Now I didn’t have any accountability and no one to stop me from drinking. Luckily, I began dating a God- fearing man who, despite my shenanigans, loved me for me, the sober me, the REAL me.

He saw to my heart. I knew I needed to stop drinking but didn’t want to yet, and I hadn’t reached my bottom.

I was drinking at every opportunity and looking back, can’t understand why God spared my life and my kid’s lives so many times. No occasion was immune to my drinking and no event too sacred to b.y.o.b.

I drank while driving, while supervising my children at the pool, at their soccer games, in parking lots, before church, before work…any time. My boyfriend became used to me being drunk most nights and passing out shortly after dinner. He had grown close to my children and loved them like his own so though he wanted to leave me and my drinking behind, he couldn’t leave them.

After one too many fights, I flew into a rage and he almost left for good. I lied through my teeth, straight to his face that I hadn’t drank, but he knew better. Who was I kidding?? The bottom for me was seeing how much destruction I had caused. I had destroyed one marriage already, the trust of most of my family, and now I was ready to lose the one person who had held on for so long.

I couldn’t do that to my kids again.

I couldn’t fathom losing this man, and myself in the process. I was one blackout, one DUI, one risky decision away from killing myself or someone else. I was tired of checking for damage on my car the morning after, and googling “hit and runs” in my area just to make sure I wasn’t a wanted criminal.

I was tired of numbing my feelings and not facing my past. I had seen the look of fear in my little girl’s blue eyes and the words “Mommy, you’re scaring me. You’re acting weird” haunt me to this day.

I knew I had to change. I had the will, and I knew God would get me there if I only surrendered. I began to attend local support meetings and found camaraderie in others who were struggling. I got real. I made apologies, mended relationships and cried out to the Lord in earnest for the first time ever.

The Lord saved me. Let me say that again. He. Saved. Me. There’s no other way to explain it. No other way to explain a marriage proposal from the man of my dreams, having custody of my kids today, my parental rights totally unscathed, a beautiful home, right back to being a stay home mom, full of happiness.

My life has come full circle and this time around, I have an unspeakable joy that only comes from my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I am a NEW person today. I beat the odds. I got a second chance on this life here on earth. I get to see clearly every day. I don’t have to look over my shoulder and I’m not hungover or too tired from the night before to enjoy the right here, right now.

My kids make me laugh and my husband spoils me for reasons I’ll never understand. I have everything I need. Recovery is a bear. It is painful. I still have cravings and some nights I just want to escape. But. It will never be worth it for me. I have almost one year sober, next month. The other day, my now ten year old daughter said, “Hey mommy, know what next month is? July 12th?” My heart started beating fast. She knew. She remembered and she saw me all along.

If nothing else, I owe it to my family and to the Lord to prove to others that it’s possible. My second chance has come and I’m taking it. I’m not waiting to see if there’s a third. Life is sweet. Hang in there and grit your teeth if you’re going through recovery. It WILL be hard and you will doubt yourself but you will NEVER regret it.

Summa Summa Summa Tiiiiime

Summer is here, folks and you know what that means. Well, if you're a mom it may mean something different to you than to the rest of the world. For me, as a stay-home mom, it means:
- Awakening at 6 am to the words "I've finished everything I need to. I'm bored. Can I go on a device??"
- Sacrificing "me" time that I normally take for granted while the kids are in school and replacing it with "them" time.
- Making and cleaning up after 3 meals plus snacks every day.
- Planning activities that will get us out of the house, beat boredom, keep us cool and not spend a ton of money...no problem, right???
- Kids stay up later because "It's summer, Mommy! The sun is still shining! We don't have to be anywhere in the morning except at your bedside before you've had your coffee like the children of the corn!" so the time on the couch with my hubby after their bedtime is virtually non-existent.
- Kids are too hot. Kids are too cold. They are bored. They are hungry. They are hungry again. They don't want to be inside. They don't want to play outside. They are getting on each other's nerves or someone is feeling left out.
- I spend too much money to keep the kids occupied and keep my sanity and I feel guilty. I take them to the mall because it's air conditioned and we can just browse but then end up spending money on snacks, lunch, toys and stuff from bath and body works because I deserve it for being home all day.
- My husband declares "road trip!" and proceeds to drive while listening to his favorite tunes while mama turns into an octopus to tend to the various needs of the kiddos in the backseat. Relaxing? I think not but the impromptu stops to look at seals, peacocks and the mountains of Big Sur are priceless. And did I mention truck stop diners?? Nothing gets this mama more pumped than a homemade breakfast along the way!
- Shaving and spray tanning. And spray tanning and shaving. My legs that normally don't see the light of day are too scary to witness without a little help. So begins the ritual..
- Legos are everywhere!
- Birthdays! For us, with three summer birthdays, it means celebration times three!
- Spending a million dollars on back to school clothes, backpacks, shoes, and school supplies.
- Crock Pot dinners because ain't nobody wanna turn on the oven in the heat of the day, am I right?
- VBS! Moms everywhere hail the blessed staff and churches that sacrifice their time, energy and resources to put on vacation bible school for our little monsters. It's free, the kids get tired out, they learn about Jesus AND my husband and I can sneak away for coffee....or....I'll leave it at coffee ;)
- Memories are created. Grooves are gotten into and finally at the end of summer, we all dread back to school time because we are just having too much fun!

And there you have it, folks: the good, the bad and the ugly of summer. I hope you're enjoying your kiddos, managing the lack of sleep and finding ways to stay sane! What does summer mean to you?

Coming Clean

There's no other way to say this other than to just...say it.
I've been battling an insidious and terrifying alcohol addiction for the past three years. I feel compelled to share because there is strength in transparency, resolution in truth and someone else may be going through the same thing. Until I quit, my life had been spent in a vicious cycle of craving, caving and lying then covering the truth. I've lied to my family, my co-workers, my kids, and my husband but worst of all, I've lied to myself. I tricked myself into thinking that things weren't that bad, weren't that out of control and weren't that destructive until they just...were. Until recently, I believed I could live my life on both sides of the fence, flirting with sobriety but ultimately choosing an affair with alcohol. I knew I couldn't have it both ways but it doesn't mean I didn't try.
When my house of cards came crashing down, there was a beautiful relief that followed. I knew I needed accountability and so it was time to come clean. I now have accountability partners in my brother, my sister, my best friend, and my husband. They are there in my weak moments and although a phone call doesn't totally obliterate a craving, it sure helps diminish it. It's a comfort to know that I'm freely forgiven by Jesus Christ and that my sins are washed away. EVERY transgression has been erased. It doesn't mean there aren't consequences but I no longer feel like I have a scarlet letter on my chest. I hold my head high knowing that my heavenly father loves me exactly where I am and HE will walk through this battle with me.
What does it take to give up an addiction? What is rock bottom?? I can't say for sure, but what I know is, it's different for everyone. For me, it wasn't the DUI stop two years ago that did it. It wasn't being on house arrest or having to attend AA meetings. What it took for me was finally having to admit to my own child that I have a problem. It was making a promise and looking in her eyes to realize that something had to give. I had a lot of apologies to make and many relationships to mend.
But HOW to give up? Just because I decided to quit didn't mean it would be easy. I still had cravings, still do sometimes and the feelings I wanted to bury at the bottom of a bottle were still there, stronger even, just waiting to be processed. So I have. I spend nights reading and praying instead of drinking wine and passing out. I embrace the anxiety I feel after a 16 hour day at work. I turn to prayer and scripture reading to calm me down, not a couple of Mike's Hard Lemonades or shots of whisky.
I'm one step closer to freedom each day I say no.
Thank God I'm forgiven. Thank God for second chances (and third, and fourth) and thank God for people who love me in spite of myself. He is my hope. He is my strength. If you don't know Jesus, find Him. He is the way, the truth and the life.

Waist Management

Two weeks into my lifestyle redo, I'm seven pounds lighter and feeling great! Because I've been strict, I've found that my cravings and eating habits have already changed for the better. I've noticed that by keeping my meals and snacks predictable and well planned out, it makes my choices much easier by taking out the guess work. Also, being that I've worked out every day for the last couple of weeks, I've begun to look forward to moving and also have found more creative ways to get excersice in. With a full-time job and two kids home for the summer, "me time" has been the first to go! Still, with a little effort and sacrifice, I'm getting the job done. Here's a sample day in the life! I hope it challenges you to become stronger and more fit this summer!

7:00- wake, get changed and head out to jog if I'm off work (if kids are up, they watch tv)
7:30- home, shower, dress for the day
8:00- coffee
9:00- smoothie
12:00- lunch (salad w/ protein and veggies)
3:00- snack (apple w/peanut butter, cheese w/crackers, celery and hummus)
6:00- dinner (protein w/whole wheat rice or pasta and veggies)
8:00- kids in bed, work out at home if I didn't get to yet
9:00- time with hubby or to relax, watch tv, do laundry..etc. (If I'm hungry, I eat popcorn)
11:00- bedtime!

Switch things up. If you do cardio in the morning, do weights or stretching in the evening. If you only have time to swim a few laps with the kids, do it. Take them along for a hike or long walk. Just get moving! If you want to see results, you have to make big changes! My fitness goal is to tone and firm up, see definition and have more energy. I started last week at 139 pounds and I'm down to 132. Hubby has already noticed!

Happy Father's Day

He provides for his family, plays with the kids, lays down the law, leads, fixes, plans, budgets, gets gas, gets water, takes out the trash, assembles, labors and still puts God first.

He is the warrior, the fighter, the front-liner and sacrifices time, money and sleep to ensure all our needs are met. He’s the first to rise and the last to sleep and he makes the hard decisions, walks the fine line and faces the world with a fierce drive to do what’s right, even when it’s not the popular choice.

He’s an avid reader, the world’s best take-out delivery driver and the softest place to fall when the day is just too hard. He cradles her heart in his hands, carefully tending and loving, even when she is hard to love. He makes the world’s most perfect cup of coffee and is the most comfortable pillow at night.

His words soothe, his hands heal and his arms protect. His faith is unshakable and his determination, unmatched. He doesn’t back down, doesn’t let up, doesn’t quit and never stops trying. When the odds are against him, he digs deeper and reaches farther.

He’s fun, fair, honest, sweet, gentle, motivated, tough, faithful, just, sincere, kind and discerning.

Dad to four. Brother to ten. Cherished son. Beloved uncle. Treasured friend. My husband. My love.

Happy Father’s day to all the men in your life. What would we do without them?? Spoil them today!

"The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him." Proverbs 20:7

A Reason to Celebrate

So I've been on this new health and exercise kick for oh, I don't know, three whole days when I decided that my kids and I need to make a fancy layer cake! Right away! Inspired by a cooking-themed show my kids were watching, (pathetic, I know but if you've ever watched "Just Add Magic" on Amazon, you'll completely understand!) I was inspired to make a beautiful and delicious creation of my own. But, being that there are only four members living in the Doña household, I needed to be prepared to share so it got me thinking...Father's day is this week and what dad wouldn't like a huge slice of blueberry and lemon goodness?? Crazy ones, that's who! I considered a few options (tiramisu, my hubby's fave but no bueno for kids, cookies n' cream but my son can't eat chocolate...) before settling on a lemon cream cake with blueberries. Sweet and tangy, light and fluffy...perfect for summer! So I got started! Now, if you are a hard core from-scratch baker, I take my hat off to you. I personally use cake mixes with no shame (even for my wedding cake!!) because they are fool-proof, easy and consistent but there are endless ways to make them your own. For this cake, I used two yellow cake mixes, about a cup of blueberries and three lemons. If you don't have four round cake pans, you'll have to bake in two batches. In two of the pans, swirl in blueberry puree made with a little water and 1/2 cup blueberries, blended. In the other two, mix in the juice and zest of two lemons. Bake until done then ice with cream cheese frosting and top with the remaining lemon, sliced and blueberries. You can really go to down with decorating but I kept it simple. I used store bought frosting and a gallon zip-lock bag cut to do the piping on the cake. Before you know it, you'll have your very own fancy dessert, the perfect addition to your Father's Day meal, brunch, tea party or for a sweet treat anytime! Tip: It tastes best with a cup of coffee after kiddos are in bed!